A Weird Naruto Christmas
by mydream
Summary: This is rated Mature for... language. Hidan needs to find a song to sing... and I just happened to help him out. :P Better then summary. Written this morning. XD


Tobi: omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg!!!!!!! -screams and runs around in circles-

Hidan: -laughs evilly and throws his arms up into the air- SHES ALIVE!

Me: -walks in with a mug of cocoa in one hand and newest issue of Shonen Jump in the other- … Dude, it's Christmas, not Halloween.

Sasori: … I don't know any of you and I will choose not to volunteer for the Christmas special.

Me: … You can't do that this year, Sasori. -grins- No one can volunteer this year… since there is no OPTION! -snickers-

Tobi: You mean we all get to be in the Christmas special?!

Me: That's right.

Tobi: Yayyyyyyyyyy!!!! Can we start!?

Me: Of course. And please forgive me if this doesn't come up until after Christmas, my mom is going crazy on me as of late and I went three days without the computer. T^T

Zetsu: -pat pat- It's alright sempai.

Me: I only hope so Zetsu, I only hope so…

~~~~~~~~~~~An Akatsuki Christmas Special~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hidan!" Tobi screeched as he tackled the Jashin follower, who instantly got a look of pure hatred and anger upon his face. "Hidan, we all decided on our songs that we were going to sing for Christmas ball, you need to choose yours now!" Tobi all but yelled into the silver-haired man's ear as he pulled away, twirling around. "If you don't get this done, then Leader will be very mad and not let you go on your killing spree!"

Hidan, posed to strike Tobi with his scythe, paused. No killing spree meant no pleasing Jashin-sama, and if he were to ever displease his god… well, he knew the consequences. Letting out a soft growl of annoyance, Hidan nodded and sighed.

"Good! Well, Tobi shall help Hidan find his song! We will go all over the town and all over the country to find Hidan the perfect song!" Tobi threw his arms up and all but tripped over one of the many heads littering Hidan's room, but he still fell face-first into the wall.

"…" Hidan looked at the orange-masked man with utter annoyance. He knew it would be hard to find a Christmas song he could sing, especially since all of them were way to merry for him, that and the normal ones were taken. He didn't really know any Christmas songs anyway, except for his version of the twelve days of Christmas. He would sing that, but Pein threatened to destroy Hidan's sacrifice privlages, and that's the last thing he wanted done.

"Going out on town would cost to much money." Came a whine from the bedroom's bathroom, where Kakuzu walked out in simply a towel, scaring the hell out of Tobi. "Why not just use the internet? I'm sure that you guys could come up with something there. Hidan has more of a chance of finding something horrid and 'worthy' of his time."

Hidan has never once wanted to hug Kakuzu, but he all but did then. The other had just either unintentionally saved him, or did it to sadden Tobi for some reason. But whatever the cause was, he was grateful. At least now he wouldn't have to go out.

"Alright… we'll look out in town, and if we don't find anything good, we'll come back and look online." Tobi said rather chipper, not even bothered by the sudden horrid aura the now possessed Hidan.

"Fuck…" Hidan muttered under his breath as he let out a long sigh. No way in hell would this turn out to be an enjoyable day. So much for just kicking back and sleeping…

~.~

As the Taxi pulled up to the front of the holiday shop and café, Hidan let out a low groan. To many people were in there, and definitely not a lot of hot chicks, either. Tobi was the first out of the Taxi, even before it had stopped moving, causing the driver to freak. Hidan slowly slid out of his side of the cab, throwing the man the money and slammed the door behind him.

"There are lots and lots and lots of Christmas music in here, even in different languages!" Tobi skipped up the steps and smiled widely at Hidan, who only looked to the man oddly. Even out in public, he still wore that orange mask, getting him strange looks. At least Hidan had the sense of leaving his scythe at home.

Tobi grabbed Hidan's hand and pulled the man up the stair case, humming happily as he did so. As soon as he opened the door, a soothing, absolutely lovely voice came floating out. Tobi looked up in surprise at the girl who stood atop the small stage in the café, and wolf-whistled. The girl looked over to Tobi and waved happily at him as she continued to sing.

Tobi quickly pulled Hidan over to the closest table near the stage, and pushed the man into one of the seats. Sitting down next to him just in time, Tobi began to clap like crazy once the girl was finished. Hidan got a better look at the girl and quirked an eyebrow.

The girl wasn't exactly thin like a stick, but she wasn't fat, either. Her hips were rounded nicely, and the dress she wore clung only slightly to her skin. He watched her cross the stage and slide off, right in front of the two men.

"Hey Tobi!" She said in a happy voice as she smiled at the orange-masked man.

"Hiya Mekau!" Tobi said in a happy voice, giving the girl a tight hug. "One, you were amazing!" Mekau turned a light shade of red, smiling lightly. "And two, we need help finding a 'horrid' Christmas song for Hidan to sing before he looses his privlages!"

"A horrid Christmas song, eh…?" Mekau said as she quirked an eyebrow at Hidan, chuckling. "There is a song my Oma tought me the other night, if you want to hear it. It's not child friendly though."

Hidan blinked, a huge grin appearing on his face. Anything not child friendly was perfect for him.

"I'll take that as a yes… Listen here."

Mekau pulled a small piece of paper out of her pocket and grinned. "It's part of the monty python song

**Ho ho fucking ho, **

**What a crock o' shit, **

**We all work for Santa Claus, We've had enough, we quit. **

**Cos we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the show, **

**Stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho."**

Hidan looked to Tobi, and Tobi back to Hidan, before the two burst out in laughter. Mekau looked to them and snickered softly, handing the paper over to Hidan. "There is the rest. Good luck you guys."

~.~

At the Christmas party, there were Naruto characters left and right, and even Kenny and Grimmy from Bleach. Why they were there, no one really knows.

"Alright everyone, let's see if Hidan has something for ONCE!" Konan yelled into the microphone, causing everyone to become silent.

Hidan walked up onto the stage, proudly decked out in a red pair of tight pants and an open silver shirt. He didn't care if he looked reduclious, he just knew the other's didn't see this coming.

"**Ho ho fucking ho, What a crock o' shit, **

**We all work for Santa Claus, We've had enough, we quit. **

**Cos we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the show, **

**Stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho. **

**I'm Rudolph and I quit. Just who's he think he is? **

**That little fat cunt sat back in the sleigh, crackin' that fuckin' whip. **

**And me stuck up the front, with these other useless cunts, **

**Stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho."**

Pein and Konan exchanged looks and began to snicker, the other's all but falling out of their chairs laughing.

"**Ho ho fucking ho, What a crock o' shit, **

**We all work for Santa Claus, We've had enough, we quit. **

**Cos we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the show, **

**Stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho. **

**And what about us elves, we've had enough as well, **

**workin' in that freezing factory, it's cold as fucking hell, **

**we work until we drop, with our bollocks freezin' off, **

**stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho."**

Kakuzu snickered softly, and Tobi was laughing harder, Clutching onto Zetsu for support. Sasori was snickering even, and Deidara was rolling on the floor laughing.

"**Ho ho fucking ho, What a crock o' shit, **

**We all work for Santa Claus, We've had enough, we quit. **

**Cos we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the show, **

**Stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho. **

**I'm Santa Claus' wife, I know what he's really like, **

**sneakin' into them little kid's rooms he's a fuckin' paedophile, **

**A devious old drunk, and I'm married to the cunt, **

**So stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho."**

The whole base with everyone inside was roaring with laughter. Mekau walked up on stage next to Hidan and began to sing with him.

"**Ho ho fucking ho, **

**What a crock o' shit, **

**We all work for Santa Claus, **

**We've had enough, we quit. **

**Cos we do all the fuckin' work while he stars in the show, **

**Stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho. **

**Stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho. **

**Stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho"**

Hidan and Mekau leaned back and all but fell backwards, laughing themselves as everyone continued to roar with laughter in the base.

Thank goodness fer weird Christmas music.

~The End~

Me: -giggles softly- I STARRED! -dances around to lucky star opening-

Sasori: That was great… -snickering-

Everyone else: -still laughing their asses off-

Me: -wipes tears from eyes- My Oma and Mom love this song to. XD

Tobi: 3

**From all of us to you:**

**Have a super Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy New Years… and keep your eyes out for new updates after Christmas!!!**


End file.
